I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
