what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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