The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
