i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
