it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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