Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
