Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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