i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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