Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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