john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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