you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize