its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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