Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
