i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
