She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
