We're facebook friends in real life
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
