For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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