Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize