i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
