Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
