I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
