I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hippo gnu deer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
