There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
