my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are all done wearing pants today
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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