God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
