he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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