the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She bit a glass in half.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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