i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
