If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
