i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
