Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think your dad took our porno
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
