We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
