This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
