at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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