I think my vagina is haunted
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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