ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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