I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
