Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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