I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
