how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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