i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
