She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
