i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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