So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
