waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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