Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
