I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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