just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
