As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
