The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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