We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
