i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
