put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what day is it and did you see me today?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
