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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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