everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
