you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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