I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You made out with two different species that night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
