I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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