Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I believe in your delicious
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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