So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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