my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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