when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
