I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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