it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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