Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I deserve this hangover.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
