Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm too high and old for this...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
