It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
