Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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