I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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