On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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