I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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