i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
