Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
