hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
