I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
