My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
