She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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