I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
