how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
