The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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